Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
