This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Randomize
