BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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