He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
