i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
