I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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