Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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