shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
