She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
