So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
