so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
