I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
