After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
