I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
