Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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