At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
