So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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