Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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