that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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