The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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