i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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