I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
