are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
