i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
