Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
