I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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