I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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