There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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