WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
