After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
