you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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