the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
