Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
do nipples grow back?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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