You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
