I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
