you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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