Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
