What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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