I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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