I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
