She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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