I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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