Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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