It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
