apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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