why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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