Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
