when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
