Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
