So drunk its hurt
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
