I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
