Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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