SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
