i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
