How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
