Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
